Word around the
water cooler
NUCLEAR PLANT
Life drags on in China. I’ve reached the point where not much surprises me anymore, and I really need to get back my sense of adventure. I’ve developed a daily routine and while that is good for my sanity it’s boring for my brain.
Seemed simple enough, I posted .pdf files on my class blog for them to look over and at the beginning of next class each would tell me which one they wanted to read and I would assign them a certain number of words which they could pull from the online copy. Of course, in China, nothing can ever be easy. Chinese logic sometimes makes me afraid for the future of this country. I explained this to them and got every Chinese excuse in the book, “But teacher, I don’t have a computer…”, “Teacher, teacher, no printer…”, “Teacher, to busy, no time!” This problem was easier to fix than I expected though, apparently publicly humiliating and kicking out one liar was enough to kick the rest in line. It’s hard to tell me you don’t have access to a computer when you just had a conversation with me on QQ (not QQ mobile) an hour before class. Additionally, if I see you reading printed speeches for your competition while in class, it’s hard to tell me you don’t know where to find a printer.
Then came the next hurdle. I returned home that night only to be downright assaulted by a mass number of QQ messages from students saying they didn’t understand which section of the speech was theirs, in fact many were freaking out that they thought they would have to read a whole speech. And this is how I got harassed into creating 41 different word documents, one for each student containing their Chinese and English names, speech section and number. I planned two class periods for them to speak and two class periods for teacher assistance. Essentially I wanted to read everyone’s speech so they could listen for rhythm, pronunciation, and emphasis but this just turned into me spending two 2hr classes giving the speeches they would give with no extra time for me to help them. I knew many of them would see this as an opening to invalidate this as their final and thus I began the hunt for video of these speeches that I would be able to send to them…inside of the great firewall of china…
Not surprisingly I was able to find the Nixon speeches and Jobs speech but nothing else was in sight. I ended up ripping the videos off YouTube and posting them on Youku. I wasn’t expecting much and was already researching other methods to get the video to the students when my videos on Youku actually went through review and were posted. So…if I ever disappear in China, we know why.
So we had lunch, and the typically awkward conversation that accompanies lunch whenever I eat with school officials. After being harassed over and over with the fact that I should pursue my masters degree here in china and remain at the school to teach we headed back to his office. Upon entering I believe he called nearly everyone he knew in his phone book to come help us figure out how to input my grades into the system. Four other teachers showed up and 2 hours later they had finally figured out how to log me into the system, after confusing me with both Tyler and Max in the administration's computer system. After this, was a painstaking slow process of them trying to type up instructions in Word on how to do everything I had been watching them do all day, needless to say I didn't really need written instructions anymore.
Yes, I hate the Chinese education system. No, I have not murdered any students yet.
Classes are good, now that the only class of heathens (the non English majors) is over, and you can rest assured the average grade in that class turned out pretty low. The final for the class turned out fairly interesting; because the school did not assign them a book I had to draw on another source to test their spoken English level. I settled on having them read a 5 minute section from different famous English speeches. The speeches I chose were:- Barbara Bush – Wellesley Commencement Address
- FDR – 1st Fireside Chat
- FDR – Infamy Speech (Pearl Harbor)
- JFK – Inaugural Address
- Margaret Thatcher – This Lady’s Not For Turning
- Nixon – Checkers
- Nixon – Resignation Address
- Robert F. Kennedy – M.L.K. Assassination Announcement
- Steve Jobs – Stanford Commencement Address
- G.W. Bush – 9/11 Announcement
- Patrick Henry – Give Me Liberty, or Give Me Death
Seemed simple enough, I posted .pdf files on my class blog for them to look over and at the beginning of next class each would tell me which one they wanted to read and I would assign them a certain number of words which they could pull from the online copy. Of course, in China, nothing can ever be easy. Chinese logic sometimes makes me afraid for the future of this country. I explained this to them and got every Chinese excuse in the book, “But teacher, I don’t have a computer…”, “Teacher, teacher, no printer…”, “Teacher, to busy, no time!” This problem was easier to fix than I expected though, apparently publicly humiliating and kicking out one liar was enough to kick the rest in line. It’s hard to tell me you don’t have access to a computer when you just had a conversation with me on QQ (not QQ mobile) an hour before class. Additionally, if I see you reading printed speeches for your competition while in class, it’s hard to tell me you don’t know where to find a printer.
Then came the next hurdle. I returned home that night only to be downright assaulted by a mass number of QQ messages from students saying they didn’t understand which section of the speech was theirs, in fact many were freaking out that they thought they would have to read a whole speech. And this is how I got harassed into creating 41 different word documents, one for each student containing their Chinese and English names, speech section and number. I planned two class periods for them to speak and two class periods for teacher assistance. Essentially I wanted to read everyone’s speech so they could listen for rhythm, pronunciation, and emphasis but this just turned into me spending two 2hr classes giving the speeches they would give with no extra time for me to help them. I knew many of them would see this as an opening to invalidate this as their final and thus I began the hunt for video of these speeches that I would be able to send to them…inside of the great firewall of china…
Not surprisingly I was able to find the Nixon speeches and Jobs speech but nothing else was in sight. I ended up ripping the videos off YouTube and posting them on Youku. I wasn’t expecting much and was already researching other methods to get the video to the students when my videos on Youku actually went through review and were posted. So…if I ever disappear in China, we know why.
As a foreigner, you may feel lost and confused in China. It's not just you, the Chinese have no idea whats going on either.
Last week I sent an e-mail to a fellow teacher/Director of the Applied English department at my school, I asked if he could explain to me who I should turn my grades in to or how I should submit them. One of my classes had ended and no one had contacted me yet about the subject of grades, or testing at all for that matter. I set up an appointment and at 11:20 this morning I was knocking on his office door. I'm going to skip talking about the state of his office/bedroom/living quarters and skip right to the fact that I was expecting him to have at least some sort of prepared instruction for me on submitting grades, but no. He then proceeded for 30 minutes to fumble around on his computer trying to figure out how to log me into what I would explain to be the Chinese version of blueview. If the definition of insanity is repeating the same action and expecting a different outcome this man is FUCKING CRAZY. It was hard enough for me not to kick his rolling office chair from 1980 out of the way so I could run the computer. At a snails pace he typed and clicked the same things the whole time, before conceding and trying to call someone for help. When they did not pick up he turned to me, clearly frustrated with the fact that I was missing my bus, and said, "I think it's time for lunch, lets go eat something at Touch".So we had lunch, and the typically awkward conversation that accompanies lunch whenever I eat with school officials. After being harassed over and over with the fact that I should pursue my masters degree here in china and remain at the school to teach we headed back to his office. Upon entering I believe he called nearly everyone he knew in his phone book to come help us figure out how to input my grades into the system. Four other teachers showed up and 2 hours later they had finally figured out how to log me into the system, after confusing me with both Tyler and Max in the administration's computer system. After this, was a painstaking slow process of them trying to type up instructions in Word on how to do everything I had been watching them do all day, needless to say I didn't really need written instructions anymore.
AH, TEACHER ... TEACHER
Never, before teaching in china, could I have imagined all the different ways this phrase can be said, and the different meanings it could hold. So, I will break it down for those of you who don't hear this upwards of 20 times a day.
- First, there is the "AH, TEACHER" expression of utter surprise. Usually this is used by many students in unison and is either immediately preceded or proceeded by a loud audible 'gasp'. For example:
- "Teacher..." said with an extended downward inflection is used by students to show their disapproval of either something you've said, or something you're wearing. For example:
- "AH, teacher" is said with a lot of emphasis on the "AH" and almost no emphasis on "teacher". I have no idea what this is used for and asking has not helped at all. I hear "AH" a lot when people here talk on their cell phone(another story entirely) and I assume it's some sort of affirmative noise everyone makes instead of just say "yes" or "ya" in Chinese. Though, when I asked my students about this they said it does not always necessarily mean "yes", it can sometimes mean "maybe", and they seem to think it is an acceptable way to answer the question "Do you understand?"...which I can assure you it is not.
- Finally there is the ever popular "ah, Teacher", said with a rising inflection at the end to indicate a question. Because they've only known me for 2 and a half months but still don't know my name, or how to properly word a question.
Last week I encountered this first-hand when I entered my first class of the day and took off my giant insulated north face coat to reveal one of my 6 t-shirts (ya, i under-packed >_< ). I had barely gotten the coat off of my arms when I heard the whole class of 30 gasp dramatically and a chunk of about 10 kids scream "AH, TEACHER". Now, as a student I feel I would never have shouted something like this unless there was an immediate serious threat in the classroom, such as a student gunman...and this is immediately where my brain went. I had about 5 seconds of legitimate panic until I saw the first camera flash. They were taking pictures! Leave it to a class of Chinese students to find a way to dramatically over-react to a foreigner taking off a coat.
Recently while we were in Beijing one of the other Drake teachers bought a fuzzy winter had with fur on the inside, and knitted blue outside with pictures of moose circling the main part. I didn't think it looked to bad, not exactly something I would buy in the states...but it probably would've cost more than $6 at home. It looks striking similar to this one on amazon for $32:
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